[fail private to Remus]

[why_so_me]

Hey, Remus.

...when you get a chance, is it okay if I talk to you?

Nothing urgent, I just -- there's some things I want to say.

Comments

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Some things you want to say?

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Just...stuff I should have said but haven't. If that's okay.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's okay. Do you mean...now? Or...? [He isn't quite sure what to make of how Sirius is acting right now]

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Yeah. If that's okay with you.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, it's fine.

Is James alright with me coming over then? Because I can be over in...a few minutes, if he is?

[quidditch-stag.livejournal.com]

Bloody hell, Moony! You know you're always welcome. Come on over you lunatic.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

It appears that James is alright with you coming over.


I'll see you in a few minutes, then, yeah?

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Yep, I'll see you then.

[And a few minutes later, true to his word, there Remus is, knocking on the door to the room that Sirius has been assigned in the Potter household gently]

Sirius...?

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[Sirius immediately leaps to answer the door, heart beating much faster than normal -- he hasn't seen Remus since school ended, and even before then, they weren't really talking. But even though there's a building knot of anxiety, he wears a nervous smile as he swings open the door.]

Hey.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus smiles tentatively back at him, nodding in greeting]

Hey. You said that you wanted to talk to me about something?

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Um. Come in, I guess. [Mostly so he can shut the door and keep anyone from trying to listen in.]

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus nods and steps in the room, waiting for Sirius to shut it behind him. He looks around himself, at how it's apparent that Sirius's been living there for the past while. At James's house. Well, it's good. Remus doesn't want the other boy even trying to go back to where he came from, not after what happened.

Turning back to Sirius, he cocks his head at him expectantly]

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[Sirius is looking at the ground, though he can tell Remus must be looking at him expectantly. He feels awkward as hell, but he knows he needs to say this.]

I just...about what happened. With Snape and the Shack, and everything. [He swallows, and he seems to try and say everything without stopping to breathe, as if pausing might mean he'd lose his nerve.] I'm just...I'm sorry, I am so sorry. It was stupid and awful and I shouldn't have done it, but mostly I shouldn't have done it to you, and -- and I'm not going to try to make excuses for doing it, because there aren't any.

And I'm not asking you to forgive me or even want to talk to me again, because I know I screwed up worse than I've ever screwed up before. But you deserved an apology and I wanted to say it to you in person if you'd let me. Especially because -- I mean, out of anybody, the last person I would want to hurt was you, and then I did this, and I realized how fucking terrible that was to do to you, and -- and I totally understand if you don't want to talk or be friends or anything, really, after all this.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus stands back and lets Sirius finish his thoughts, knowing the other boy has to ramble to get his point across before he should speak up himself. When he finally finds the break, he makes his move]

You're right. You shouldn't have done it. To anyone. And you should be sorry and apologizing. But... God help me, Sirius. [He sighs] I've already forgiven you, you know. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Excuse the threadjack

[quidditch-stag.livejournal.com]

[There's a loud YES from outside at those words. James has been listening at the door.]

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[There's a pause where Sirius seems motionless, still looking away. But then he turns to look at Remus and meet his eyes, looking both hesitant and hopeful at the same time.]

...really?

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Yes, really. [Remus takes in a breath, letting out slowly]

We. Things aren't going to be the same as they used to be. It'll take me a while until I can really trust you the way I did before. But forgive you... [Remus shrugs] I've already forgiven you, Sirius. And have for a while now.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[There is a small, suicidal part of Sirius' brain that wants to hug Remus so much for saying all that. But he holds back, because Remus is right, things aren't the same as they used to be.]

Thank you. Thank you... [His voice is small, tight, because he didn't expect this to be so easy and he doesn't really know if he deserves to have Remus be so nice to him.] And I really am just -- I'm so sorry.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus shakes his head] I know you are. And I'm sorry that I can't just bounce back from something like that, but I can't. But I'm more concerned about you right now.

[He pauses, looking Sirius in the eyes] How are you, Sirius? I mean. Really. How are you doing?

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't apologize to me for anything, Moony. Really.

[He smiles a tiny bit] I'm doing great. Much, much better now that I'm here.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus raises an eyebrow] Really? [He steps closer to the other boy, speaking softly so that they won't be overheard, should someone listen in] You know you don't have to lie to me, Sirius. I'm not going to tell James if you're still a little shaky about things. You did just run away from home, after all...

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[His smile falters only a tiny bit. He is better with James' family, happier there than he was at home. But there were moments when he realized that, holy shit, he had left his home and his family and that there wasn't any going back -- he knew his parents had probably blasted his face off of the family tree.]

It's...I'm adjusting, I guess. [He tries to shrug nonchalantly, glancing away for a moment.] But it's better here than at home.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

[Remus nods. He knows that it's not the other boy's favorite topic, but he wants to know, make sure]

Do you have everything you need here? I mean. For school, and all. [He isn't sure how much Sirius could have grabbed to take with him when he ran away, after all]

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

[Sirius shakes his head.]

James is loaning me some things, but I'm going to need to go to Diagon Alley before the school year starts. I didn't grab much when I left.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I understand. You probably only grabbed the bare essentials of what you could carry. [And whatever important items he has sentimentally, but Remus doesn't know what those might be]

Sirius... [Remus steps forward, moving to put a hand on the other's shoulder] You did a very brave thing, getting yourself out of a situation like that.