[RL with Remus]

[why_so_me]

Sirius felt a little bit guilty for this. What he was planning was, essentially, a surprise attack. And Remus was probably going to flail like crazy, but. They needed to talk. And Remus had been making it really really difficult to get the chance to talk to him alone.

He knew Remus had been sneaking up to the dorms after everyone else had fallen asleep. So, to make sure he didn't, he'd chugged about three mugs' worth of coffee before he'd headed up, so he wouldn't accidentally drift off. He lay on his mattress, feigning sleep with his face down in the pillow, but his brain was so wired he knew he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. The insomnia was going to suck, but it would be worth it.

He wondered when Remus would finally come up to bed.

Comments

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus tilted his head back to look up, taking in a breath and letting it out. God, he couldn't even imagine what James's reaction to this might be. It was one thing to know that Remus was gay. It was one thing to know that Remus had a crush on someone. It was another thing entirely to find out that Remus had a crush on his best mate, and that that crush was equally returned back to him.

"...what are we doing here, Sirius?" he asked, quietly, his nerves getting the better of him once again.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius blinked, not understanding the question. He leaned back to look Remus in the face, a questioning expression on his face. "What do you mean?" he asked.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus turned his face down to look at Sirius, inches away from him, his look searching. "What... What is this, exactly?" he asked. "I... I like kissing you, but more than that. I like you. I... I really like you. I mean. Are you sure? It's... It's not like being with a girl. And then there's James, and. Who knows what he might think about this. This isn't going to be easy." He swallowed again, his eyes suddenly guarded, sad. "You're... You're not going to just try this out for a week, and then give it up if it doesn't work for you, are you? I. I don't think I could take that..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"Moony," he said, his voice firm. "I'm not going to just ditch you in a week. I'm not doing this as, like...a test run, or something. I really do like you."

His hand was still on Remus' face, and he let his thumb run over his cheek in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "I am sure. Like I said...I don't feel like this about anybody, normally. Maybe a few girls in the past, but not really as strongly. And I really do want to be with you. I don't care whether or not it's easy."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus didn't back down on this. He had to be sure before he could really, really accept it for what it was. "...It doesn't matter to you, then? That... That I'm not a girl. Because I'm not. No matter how much you and James make fun of me for it, I... I really am all male. And. Things are different, when you're with a bloke than they are when you're with a girl. You... You're okay with that?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I am. I'm not...expecting you to be a girl, somehow. I know that it's different, but I like the idea of being with you, just the way you are. I'm not expecting you to be anybody except you."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

"And..." God, Remus couldn't believe he was saying this. "You're okay with the fact that I'm a guy. That I... That I have everything that you have...and well, you know what I mean. You... You aren't freaked out or, I don't know, disgusted by the idea of... I mean...with a guy, that is..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled a tiny bit. "Yes, Remus, I'm very disgusted by the idea," he said. "So very disgusted that I just made out with you. With tongue. On my bed."

He leaned in to plant a quick kiss on the corner of Remus' lips. "I'm not. Like I said, I like you and all your maleness, so. Don't worry about that. I'm not freaked out by that."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus smiled a little, shaking his head at Sirius. "Yes, but. Girls have lips too. You can kiss girls, same as you can with blokes. What I'm trying to say is..." He blushed, mightily. "I haven't got girl parts. I've got... I've got boy parts. I've got wide shoulders and well, not now so much, but. I'll have to shave my face, pretty soon, and I've got...I've got bits, and are you really, truly okay with that?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius grinned. "Yup," he said cheekily. "I'm perfectly fine with your wide shoulders and your soon-to-be stubbly chin and even your naughty bits. I promise. I didn't somehow forget about all of that before I decided to talk to you."

Grinning even more cheekily, he teased, "Unless, of course, what you're really asking for me to do is prove I don't mind your nether bits."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus flushed a deep, deep crimson. "I'... I didn't... I mean... That isn't what I..." he stuttered, not even knowing how to process that sort of an insinuation coming from Sirius so soon after first finding out that Sirius liked him in the first place.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"I'm kidding," Sirius said quickly, seeing how badly Remus was blushing. He'd meant to tease him, not fry his nerves completely. "I didn't think it was, I was just making a joke, really. Promise."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus nodded, ducking his head to rest his forehead against Sirius's shoulder this time, to cool down and not have Sirius looking at his face in the process. "I... You know that I wouldn't... Wouldn't be opposed to that. Y'know, later. I just. I want to do this properly. If... If you want to, that is. I just... I really like you, Sirius..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius wrapped both arms around Remus' back in a loose hug. "I wouldn't be either. Because I really do like you, too," he said. For a second, a few images flashed through his imagination that made him blush, though Merlin if they weren't unappealing in the least. "That said, doing it ten minutes after the first time we've kissed seems like it might be rushing things just a tad."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus smiled, nodding, not taking his head up from where it was resting on Sirius's shoulder, rather enjoying their close proximity and all, now that he had reason not to be afraid of getting too close to the other boy or anything like that. "Yeah, maybe just a little," he said, lightly.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled, rubbing Remus' back lightly with one hand. This felt nice. It was warm and comfortable and sweet, just sitting there holding him. "So, I'm not used to his sort of thing yet," Sirius said in a teasing voice. "But I think I'm supposed to send you flowers in the morning and then wait three days to talk to you again."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus laughed against Sirius's shoulder. "While endearing, Sirius, the flowers really would be more trouble than they're worth, attracting attention and anyway, like I've been saying, I really am not a girl. And honestly...after all of this avoiding you, I don't think I could stand to wait another three days to talk to you." He blushed, glad that his face was hidden from Sirius as he continued. "I... I missed you, Pads," he said, softly.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"'More trouble than they're worth' is exactly how I operate, Moony. And flowers are nice regardless of gender," he teased. Resting his face against the back of Remus' neck, hugging the other boy a little tighter, he added, "I missed you, too. No more avoiding me because you don't want to tell me stuff, please? I missed being able to see you and talk to you and kid around with you."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus sighed. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I... I was scared. Scared of what you'd think if you found out. I mean, I promised you and James that I wouldn't go after either of you, that there was nothing to worry about there, and then... Then I couldn't keep that promise. You... You can't fault me for not being able to anticipate your reaction being like this, can you? I mean. It's not really all that normal, for people to respond the way you did to finding this sort of thing out, Pads. Not that I'm complaining, but..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"It's okay. I mean, I get why you did it," Sirius said, resting his chin on Remus' shoulder for the moment. "But. Even if I didn't realize I liked you back, I still wouldn't have wanted you to be avoiding me. I really wouldn't have been mad, I would have just wanted you to be talking to me again."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus felt himself growing really pretty tired, sitting there, so comfortable and relaxed after weeks of being on edge even in his sleep. "'m sorry," he said again, mumbling. "Didn't think I could talk to you without you finding out. You figured it out anyway, even without me talking to you, so. Just... Didn't know how you'd handle it, s'all. Never could've expected this..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled a tiny bit. "I can't blame you, I didn't really expect it, either," he said. Not letting go, he said, "If you're ready to fall asleep, it's okay if you want to go back to bed, Moony. I did kind of crash on your bedtime there."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus knew that he should probably be getting to bed, but he couldn't find it within himself to move from where he was. He had Sirius, Sirius was warm and comfortable to lean on, and that's really all that mattered to him in that moment. "'m not tired," Remus lied, doing nothing to move anywhere whatsoever.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius smiled and said, "Well, how about I lie back and you can stay right here with me, and then at least if you really do fall asleep, you're on an actual bed? Because I don't think you want to trust me to carry you back to your bed if you fall asleep on me." As he said it, he moved to lie back down on his mattress, still hugging Remus' back with one arm.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus registered that they were moving, but he still went with replying to Sirius even after they were already lying down. "Yeah. I... I guess that could work. As long as you don't mind that I'm here. S'not like we haven't slept in the same bed before, anyway." They just...hadn't slept in the same bed before quite like this, with Remus wrapped up in Sirius's arms and without a care in the world, almost.