[RL with Remus]

[why_so_me]

Sirius felt a little bit guilty for this. What he was planning was, essentially, a surprise attack. And Remus was probably going to flail like crazy, but. They needed to talk. And Remus had been making it really really difficult to get the chance to talk to him alone.

He knew Remus had been sneaking up to the dorms after everyone else had fallen asleep. So, to make sure he didn't, he'd chugged about three mugs' worth of coffee before he'd headed up, so he wouldn't accidentally drift off. He lay on his mattress, feigning sleep with his face down in the pillow, but his brain was so wired he knew he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. The insomnia was going to suck, but it would be worth it.

He wondered when Remus would finally come up to bed.

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[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

He could tell from the sudden weight on the mattress and the sound of Moony's voice that he was sitting on his bed. The question he'd asked wasn't what he'd expected...shouldn't Remus be upset with him, or at least acknowledge the mind-boggling awkwardness of what had just happened?

Sirius shifted so that he could turn his head to look up at his friend's face. Even in the dim light of their room, he could see the Remus' expression and the deep blush on his face. In spite of himself, his heart actually skipped a beat. Did that mean...?

"Y-yeah," he answered, rolling himself so that he was facing Remus and laying on his side. "Yeah, I did."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus swallowed. Hard. What the hell was he doing? What did he even think he was doing? Was he even thinking at all? God, his mind was telling him that he needed to abandon ship, abandon ship, this was way too complicated and confusing and embarrassing to even think of, but.

"I... I think..." he stammered, blushing, staring down at Sirius, his eyes wider than ever, and god, he looked terrified. "I... I'd... I'd really like... I'd really like it if...if you... If we..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Even in the very dim light of their room, Sirius could see Remus how hard Remus was blushing, how wide his eyes were. And even though he was stammering hard, Sirius could guess what he was trying to say (or was it what he hoped Remus would say?)

He pushed himself up from where he lay so that he would be sitting facing Remus. Sirius' heart was beating fast, and silently he prayed to anyone who would listen that he wasn't crazy, that he really wasn't misreading everything completely.

Without even waiting for Remus to finish what he was trying to say, he leaned in and pressed his lips up against his in a soft, open-mouthed kiss.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Not that Remus really was getting anywhere with what he was saying, but as soon as Sirius sat up and pressed his lips against his, any semblance of thought whatsoever went right out the window for him. It wasn't that he necessarily froze, or anything like that. It was more that his brain was taking an awful long time to come to the therms that yes, Sirius was kissing him, he wasn't just making this up, this was actually, really happening.

And he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. He'd never been kissed before. He'd never even really paid attention to kissing before. He knew that it was supposed to be nice, and that he wanted to do it, and he'd even fantasized about doing it more often than he would ever admit aloud, but. Now that it was actually happening...he really wished that he'd thought to look into it further beforehand.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Remus wasn't moving or reacting in any way, but he wasn't pushing him away, so...what did that mean? Either he didn't know how to respond or was too nice to shove him off, and Sirius was at the point where he honestly didn't know.

He pulled away, detaching himself from the kiss. Sirius sat back a little, looking at Remus, at his expression. Remus was kind of cute when he looked flustered.

"You need to give me something to go off of, here," Sirius said, propping himself up on his hand so he could lean back to look at his friend. "I can't tell if I'm misreading everything, or what's going on anymore."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus blushed harder, trying to formulate words, cursing the fact that Sirius was so confident with himself about all of this, when he'd only just figured it out, while meanwhile Remus himself had had almost a month to process, and he was still finding it difficult to come to terms with.

"I..." he stammered, shutting his mouth and clearing his throat to try and make his voice sound steadier than it was. "I... Of all the ways I thought you would react to this... I. I never thought... I never thought that you'd do that," he said, absolutely dumbfounded.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius smiled a tiny bit. "Yeah, well," he said. "I didn't exactly expect to, either." If he'd told the version of himself from three weeks ago that he would be confessing romantic feelings to Moony in the most awkward way possible, he'd have laughed.

"So...I mean," Sirius said, trying to get a straight answer because dammit Moony why can't you just say things straight out. "...was I right?" He was really kind of dying to get things clear and straightforward.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus nodded, his expression not really changing as he stared at Sirius across the darkness. "Yeah..." he said, breathlessly. "I... You... You were right..." Remus had been exhausted, nearly asleep, woken up out of that by Sirius sitting on him, telling him he'd figured out his secret and then told him he liked him too, ran away, kissed him, and now... Remus was feeling more than a little overwhelmed. "I... Yeah..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius smiled. Grinned, really. So. He wasn't crazy, and Remus really did like him. And he liked Remus. Which meant that things could be good between them now, with no more of Remus avoiding him.

"Good," Sirius said, letting out a small chuckled of relief. "I'm glad. Because. It really would have sucked to have said all that, and you didn't feel the same."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

"Yeah..." Remus said, feeling like he was working through a thick fog to get anything processed at all in his brain. "...the same..." He probably looked, well, ridiculous, sitting there staring at Sirius. He just... Sirius likedliked him. What's more, Sirius had kissed him, and Remus. Remus had absolutely no idea what to do about any of it.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius tilted his head, looking at Moony and how he seemed to be kind of dumbstruck. And lost all powers of speech. "Are you okay?" he asked, sitting up further.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus looked down at Sirius, watched him sitting up closer to him, unable to change the expression on his face, or really do much of anything. He couldn't say that he was okay, because he wasn't exactly, but. "You... You kissed me," he said, sounding as dumbfounded he looked in that moment.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius almost smiled, though he still felt awkward. "Er. Yeah. Yeah, I did," he said, slightly sheepish. Not that he'd minded doing it...it had been kind of nice, minus Remus sort of reacting like a deer in headlights. "Well. I mean, I had been thinking about it. And. I thought it would be nice. It did feel nice."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus blinked. "Yeah..." he said, sounding completely lost and overwhelmed. "Yeah, it did..." His first kiss. Sirius had just kissed him, and it had been his first kiss, and his first kiss was a kiss from Sirius and all he could think about was that he hoped that there would be more kisses from Sirius somewhere down the road if only he could get his brain to work together with his mouth to make that happen. He kept staring at Sirius, his deer in the headlights look going absolutely nowhere, much to his dismay.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius looked at him for a second, considering whether or not to just lean in and kiss Remus again. Remus still seemed kind of stunned, but. He didn't seem unhappy about any of this. He scooted a tiny bit closer to the other boy before asking, "Would it be okay if I kissed you again?"

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus looked at Sirius uncertainly. He couldn't believe that this was happening, any of it. More importantly, though, he couldn't believe that he had absolutely no idea what to do. He hadn't the slightest idea on how to kiss someone. "Would...you want to again?" he asked, timidly, trying to get up the gall to come out and say that he just didn't know how to kiss someone, he was probably horrible at it, why would Sirius ever want to kiss him again?

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, of course," Sirius said, more than a little awkwardly, watching Remus' face intently. He thought kissing Remus had felt nice, had felt good and warm and sweet, even though he'd worried that Remus hadn't wanted it to happen.

He leaned in slow enough to give Remus a chance to push him away if he didn't want to; when there was no refusal, he kissed him slow and soft, just a sweet and simple kiss for right then, for while they were both still adjusting to what was going on.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus let Sirius kiss him for a few moments. God it was nice, Sirius's lips were warm and surprisingly soft against his, but... He pulled away just enough space to be able to talk, not pushing Sirius away, but not returning the kiss either.

"Sirius," he said quietly, nervously, "I... I have no idea what I'm doing here. I... I've never kissed anyone before. I don't... I don't know..." He bit his lip, looking so ashamed and embarrassed from only inches away, his voice dropping low. "I don't know how..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius was a little surprised that Remus pulled away from the kiss, even if he didn't back away very far. He listened to what Remus said, sensing his nervousness and hearing his embarrasment.

"Moony, it's okay," Sirius said, his voice low and reassuring. "I'm not expecting you to be some...I don't know, Romance-Expert-slash-Kisser-Extraordinaire. I mean...I really haven't kissed that many people before. I'm not exactly a master at it, either."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

"But..." Remus looked at him, the same expression on his face, not moving closer or further away from him. "What... What if I'm horrible at this...? I. I don't want to be a horrible kisser, Sirius. I don't want you to think poorly of me because I have no idea what I'm doing..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"You're not a horrible kisser, Remus," Sirius said. With his cheeks turning a little red, he added, "Kissing you is nice. And, I mean, I don't think you're going to suddenly switch to being a terrible, horrendous kisser."

Cheekily, he added, "And, you know, practice makes perfect. So maybe you just need to practice loads and loads."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus couldn't help but snort at Sirius's cheek, and he brought a hand up to cover his mouth, embarrassed that he'd just laughed at Sirius. He blushed, although behind his hand, a smile was starting to bloom on his face. "...you think?" he asked, as he slowly, painfully slowly, started to warm up to the idea that this was really happening, and that it was probably the best thing ever.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled, grinning a bit at the smile that he could tell Remus was hiding behind his hand. "I do think," he said. "Really. And, you know, if you're in need of someone to practice with, you know, I am only one bed away from you in the dorms."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus moved his hand away from his mouth, and yes, he let himself smile, let himself finally relax and just accept the fact that even if this turned out to be a dream, it was the best dream ever. "That's true," he said, quietly. "Although... From where I see things... You. You're a lot closer than a bed away right now..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled. "That's a good point," Sirius said, and he leaned just a bit closer to Remus as he spoke, grinning like a maniac. "Much closer. I could take advantage of that fact, if you want me to."