RL with Remus

[why_so_me]

They day after the virus, Sirius was in the Gryffindor dormitory, curtains to his bed drawn. Inside, he was supposedly working on an essay that was due for Prof. Flitwick about Summoning Magic, and he did indeed have his books open and a quill scrawling across parchment. However, his handwriting had devolved into illegible blots of ink and long scratches that nearly tore through the page. Sirius barely seemed to notice.

He hadn't talked to Remus or James or Peter or really anyone since waking up that morning. It was plain he was in a terrible mood, but he refused to let anyone in on what had happened. Even alone in his room, he glared at the paper.

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[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus cautiously made his way up to the dormitory room that the four of them shared. He knew that he would find Sirius there, they all knew that he would be there, but none of them had felt brave enough to breach the foul mood that Sirius was obviously in since he'd woken up and stormed around in this morning. Only Remus knew exactly why Sirius was in such a foul temper, really, and so Remus realized that he was really the only person to be able to talk to Sirius about it as well.

He sighed, having reached the door, and entered the room. He made sure to make noise upon entering, going to the book he was carrying on his bedside table, before he made his way over to stand outside Sirius's bed curtains. Might as well get this over with. "...Sirius," he asked, cautiously. "Can I...can I come in?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius said nothing for a moment, though there was a noticeable 'skrch' sound made when his quill tore through his parchment by accident as it finished a sentence. "If you want," he said eventually, not turning his head.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus took in a breath, letting it out quietly before opening the curtains enough to slide in and sit on the foot of Sirius's bed. He watched Sirius working on his essay for a moment, wondering if what Sirius was writing was even making sense, let alone if it was legible. "...hey," he said, after a moment, trying to formulate just exactly what he wanted to say to Sirius to try and make this better.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius said nothing for a moment, though he did put down his quill. After a little bit, he turned towards Remus, though without meeting his eye. "Hey."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus picked at Sirius's quilt, before smoothing it down, taking in another breath. This wasn't going to be easy. None of this was easy. "I'm sorry," he said, cocking his head to look at Sirius. "I'm sorry that the community would do something like that, and well... I'm just. I'm sorry."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius sighed. "You don't need to apologize to me every time the community does something, you know," he said. "'S not your fault. The whole thing was stupid anyway."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus shifted on the bed, troubled by Sirius's words. "And you don't need to have to suffer alone every time the community does something like this, either," he responded. "This virus...was hard on you, I know, and. I just..." He swallows again. "I just want to know if. If you're alright, now that it's done...?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," Sirius said, not really sure if that was the truth. Especially not after how frustrated and disappointed he'd felt when he awoke that morning. "It was stupid. I should have known something was up. But I'm fine."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

"No." Remus shook his head. "It wasn't stupid, Sirius. It was... It was what you wanted. You couldn't have known. And I..." He chewed his lip for a second. "I didn't want to tell you that it wasn't real. You...you seemed to be really happy. If anyone should be blamed for having fooled you, it's me."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius shrugged. "It wasn't like I'd have believed you if you'd tried," he said. "No offense. I just...really really really thought all that stuff was happening, and I don't know if you could have convinced me it wasn't."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

"I know," Remus said. He really wanted Sirius to speak to him honestly about this, but he knew that that was asking a lot of the other. He just wanted to help, though, to make things better for Sirius, to not feel quite so horrible and useless. "I didn't want to make you any more upset than I knew you were going to be, when this was all over." Which, of course, meant that Remus could clearly see through Sirius's lie about being fine.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"'M not upset," Sirius protested, even though he suspected Remus could see straight through him. "I'm annoyed I went around for a whole day acting like a goofy idiot when none of it was real."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus glanced at Sirius's essay, which, even if Remus wasn't good at reading Sirius's moods, would be a telltale sign that something was up about the whole thing. "It wasn't fair of the community to do something like that..." Remus said, after a minute. Because what else could he say? He's sorry that Sirius's parents aren't actually nice people, but in fact bigoted, uptight sticks in the mud? He felt like asking Sirius if he was really alright was a little redundant, so instead he just looked at the other boy, his expression both mildly concerned and apologetic.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius shifted to lean against his headboard. "Yeah. But. It's not a huge deal. I mean it was, what, one day? At least it was a nice day. Just sucks that it wasn't real."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus motioned to the spot beside Sirius, up near the headboard. "D'you mind if I...?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

"Go ahead," Sirius said, scooting over to give Remus more room to sit next to him.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus shifted, crawling up to sit next to Sirius, being careful not to upset Sirius's ink well on the bed. He settled himself next to Sirius, moving to collect Sirius's essay and put it and the ink well aside for the moment. He took another breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say. "Pads. If it isn't a huge deal to you, then why have you been hiding up here by yourself all day...?"

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Leave it to Moony to rely on things like logic and sense at a time when Sirius just wanted to sulk. "Because," he said, sighing. "Because. I'm just...annoyed at being tricked, that's all. I mean, I'm used to the fact that my family's the way they are. ...I mean, they've always been this way, so I have to be."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus shifted beside Sirius, making himself more comfortable. "Just because they've always been that way doesn't mean that you have to be used to how they are. It's okay to be upset about these things, Pads, you know that, right?" He looks at Sirius warily. God, he doesn't want to make the other angry at him, but. He wants him to talk to him as well, and he can't get Sirius to open up without being at least a little invasive.

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius just shook his head, shutting his eyes for a moment. "I should be used to it," he said. "Because they're never gonna change."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus's heart hurt for Sirius in that moment, as the other boy shut his eyes. He scooted a little closer to Sirius, hesitantly putting his hand on the other boy's shoulder. For all the comforting that he received from Sirius, it was very rare for Remus to be the one doing the comforting. He wanted to make sure that it was alright, before he went too much further.

"Sirius," he said, softly, "you should never get used to people treating you like the way that your family treats you. Ever. You're better than that, better than they ever could imagine..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius didn't shy away from Remus' touch on his shoulder if anything, it felt nice, that tiny bit of affection in the face of everything. "You're going to make my head swell too big if you keep talking like that," he said, trying to be joking, but his voice felt flat.

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus took the fact that Sirius didn't shy away as an opening, and moved to put his arm around Sirius's shoulders, pulling him closer. "It's true, you know," he said, quietly. "Your parents really don't give you enough credit. I...haven't met them, really, because I know that you've tried to keep them as far away from me as possible, but from what I've heard and seen... They're not nice people, Sirius. It only makes sense that one of the things you'd want the most was for them to be decent parents..."

[why-so-me.livejournal.com]

Sirius leaned a tiny bit into Remus' embrace, opening his eyes to look at his friend. "I guess," he said, not sure how to handle this. He wasn't exactly the type to go spilling his guts. "I don't care if they're not...decent or do crap like sending candy or taking me to Quidditch matches. I'd just like it if they didn't hate everything I do."

[lycanthropy-101.livejournal.com]

Remus nodded. "Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, it'd be nice if you could come over to my house sometimes, during the summer, for example. I know that, well, that your parents think less than highly of me and my family, not even knowing about...all the other stuff," Remus said, which of course meant the lycanthropy.

He tightened his arm around Sirius's shoulder when he leaned into him. "You know that none of it is any fault of yours, though, right? That it's nothing wrong on your part, it's all your family and their prejudices, yeah?" If it were Remus himself, he'd definitely blame himself for some of the problems, which is why he needed to reassure Sirius on this.