why_so_me | [RL with Remus]

Remus let himself into the dorms at about a quarter past one, figuring that since they had school the next day, no one would be awake anymore. It wasn't exactly a healthy choice, to be coming in so late and leaving so early in the morning, but at least it meant that there weren't any more awkward moments with Sirius, even if he was starting to get headaches from the strain of not sleeping, on top of the pull of the moon.

Checking to see that everyone was in their beds and not up anymore, Remus quickly got himself ready for bed, before collapsing into it. He was so tired that not even a minute later, he was already halfway to being asleep.

Sirius waited until he was sure Remus was settled into bed, and close enough to sleep that he wasn't going to notice Sirius sneaking until it was too late. From his mattress, Sirius silently cast a Silencing Charm, so that even if James or Peter woke up, they wouldn't hear a thing.

He crept off his own bed quietly, barely making a noise. And then, without ceremony, he climbed onto Remus' bed and sat down on top of the other boy's ankles so he wouldn't be able to run away.

"Wake up, Moony."

Remus hadn't exactly been asleep when Sirius crawled in through the curtains around his bed, but he hadn't really been awake enough to be aware that the other boy was even there until Sirius sat on his feet and spoke. Remus woke from whatever doze he had been in with a soft yelp, snapping his eyes open, his heart nearly leaping out his throat.

"Sirius?!" he hissed. "What... What in Merlin's name are you...?!"

"I'm grabbing the chance to talk to you when you can't avoid me," Sirius said calmly, sitting Indian-style on Remus' legs. "And making sure you won't try to run away."

"We need to talk," he said simply. "And don't worry about anyone overhearing, I put a Silencing Charm on your curtains."

To say that Sirius had caught Remus by surprise there would be putting it mildly. Remus struggled to find something to say in response, but really couldn't, his mouth moving but no words coming out. He thought that Sirius had understood from the last time he'd confronted him saying that they needed to talk, that Remus wouldn't be sharing anything on the matter. What made tonight any different?

"...we do?" Remus asked, dumbly, because it was the only think he could think of at the moment.

"We do," Sirius said firmly.

He glanced down at Remus, trying to read him for a second, make sure that his assumptions weren't wildly false. It would be really, really bad if he turned out to be completely wrong about all this, and he'd only end up more confused than ever.

"You like me," Sirius said. "Not just as a friend...is that it? Is that why you've been hiding from me all this time? Because you thought I would be angry if I knew about it?"

Remus's eyes flashed wide, and he could only hope that it was too dark in the bed with the curtains pulled for Sirius to notice that as he opened up his mouth and lied to him.

"What? No!" he said, really too quickly for it to sound normal for him at all. "No, I. That's not... Why would you ever..."

Sirius knew Remus too well to fall for it. He was talking way too fast. Still, even knowing that, it didn't seem to quell the knot of anxiety that was twisting in his stomach.

"You're a bad liar," he said with a small sigh, his eyes very intent on Remus because what came next wasn't going to be easy to say, and thinking about it make him feel more nervous than he'd been in ages. "Look...there's something I need to tell you, okay?"

Oh, Merlin, Sirius was probably going to give him some sort of speech on how friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other, or how it was alright to like whoever he wanted but sometimes people weren't going to return the feeling like right this moment or... Remus didn't think he could keep his voice from squeaking or steady at all, so he just nodded up at Sirius, eyes impossibly wide. Sirius knew him too well, he supposed. He wanted nothing more than to get up and bolt, but Sirius's sitting on his feet really was stopping that from becoming a reality.

He was really, really fucking nervous about this. Sirius was never this nervous around Remus, and the only things keeping him calm was that one, he was pretty damn sure Remus liked him, and two, he had to stay calm, because Remus was probably freaking out even worse in his head.

"I think," he said, looking down at the blanket because it was getting really really hard to look Remus in the face right now. "I like you back. ....as more than a friend."

Remus blinked. He had to be dreaming--this couldn't be real. Maybe... Maybe he'd passed out when Sirius had told him that he'd figured it out, and now he was just thinking up what he wanted to happen rather than what was actually going on. Because... He could have sworn that Sirius had just said...

"...what?" Remus asked, in a very, very small voice, tinged with fear but also...something almost akin to hope. He needed to know what Sirius had really said there. He needed to make sure that he'd heard right...

He took in a deep breath, still staring down at the sheets. "I like you," he said, with more strength in his voice this time. "When I figured out you had a crush, I thought about what it would be like to date you or kiss you and I...I liked it. Liked thinking about it. And I don't think about people like that a whole lot, even with girls. But...with you, it was different."

Remus lay there, trapped by Sirius, staring up at him, wide-eyed. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do, didn't know what Sirius wanted him to say or do in that moment, he was so overwhelmed. He felt like he might faint, if he had been standing up, so he supposed it was a good thing he wasn't. "...oh," he said, quietly, completely in shock at that moment.

He could have died right then. He could have seriously dropped dead. As it was, his face just burned like it hadn't in a long, long time.

Sirius had been wrong, had been completely wrong about everything and now he'd just made a complete ass of himself. Remus hadn't reacted at all, which meant he didn't have a crush, that Sirius was a stupid moron who'd misread everything and had probably just screwed up everything completely.

"Forget it," Sirius said quickly. "Forget I said anything. I'll let you sleep now." He moved fast to get off of Remus, sliding off his mattress and immediately jumping back onto his own bed, diving to go hide his face in his pillow while wondering if he could do a Memory Charm on Remus while he slept.

Remus just lay there very still for a long while, frozen, staring up at nothing as he tried to wrap his head around how absurd his life was right at that moment. He felt like he'd been hit by a sudden, very violent storm that had turned everything in his life upside-down and then left it that way as it moved on, and one step in any direction might make it all crash and break.

It probably took him a full minute before he could sit up and turn to look at Sirius. He clutched his blanket to his chest, needing something reassuring to hold on to as he stared across the darkness to the bed next to his, where Sirius was obviously trying to suffocate himself in his pillow.

"...Sirius?" he whispered, hesitantly, his eyes still pretty wide and his face a mask of disbelief. What was Sirius even doing, there, anyway?

Sirius wanted to die. He very seriously wanted to get swallowed by the earth and never return. Silently, he was kicking himself over and over for being so goddamn stupid and seeing things that weren't there and assuming Remus might feel something for him when clearly it was just him having a gigantic head.

When Remus spoke, he seriously considered pretending to be asleep. Remus was probably going to tell him it was okay, really, even if he didn't feel the same, which was so not what he wanted to hear.

Eventually, he let out a low "Yeah?" without removing his face from his pillow.

Remus sat there in silence for a few more moments after Sirius responded to him, trying to figure out where to go from there. Sirius... Sirius had figured it out. But what's more... Sirius liked him too?

"You..." He swallowed. He had to keep his voice low--who knew if the silencing charm was really going to work, with him calling across from his bed as he was. "...do you mean it? "

It was really very tempting to say no. To chuckle and pretend he'd been making a very poor joke, that it had been a silly attempt at a laugh and it had gone badly. Because that would be less humiliating.

But he couldn't, because he wasn't that much of a dick. He'd never do something as cruel as toy with his friend's emotions for a joke, or just to get out of an embarrassing spot.

He only lifted his head enough to clearly reply. "'Course I meant it," he answered before shoving his face back down into his pillow.

Remus moved to stand up from his bed, shock and awe bringing him forward across the space between their beds to move and perch on the edge of Sirius's mattress, gazing down at him, still looking a bit like a deer in the headlights. "And... You meant the other part, too? Y'know. About. Kissing...?" he asked, blushing a bright crimson. Honestly, he had absolutely no idea where he was going with this, but. He was obviously headed somewhere.

He could tell from the sudden weight on the mattress and the sound of Moony's voice that he was sitting on his bed. The question he'd asked wasn't what he'd expected...shouldn't Remus be upset with him, or at least acknowledge the mind-boggling awkwardness of what had just happened?

Sirius shifted so that he could turn his head to look up at his friend's face. Even in the dim light of their room, he could see the Remus' expression and the deep blush on his face. In spite of himself, his heart actually skipped a beat. Did that mean...?

"Y-yeah," he answered, rolling himself so that he was facing Remus and laying on his side. "Yeah, I did."

Remus swallowed. Hard. What the hell was he doing? What did he even think he was doing? Was he even thinking at all? God, his mind was telling him that he needed to abandon ship, abandon ship, this was way too complicated and confusing and embarrassing to even think of, but.

"I... I think..." he stammered, blushing, staring down at Sirius, his eyes wider than ever, and god, he looked terrified. "I... I'd... I'd really like... I'd really like it if...if you... If we..."

Even in the very dim light of their room, Sirius could see Remus how hard Remus was blushing, how wide his eyes were. And even though he was stammering hard, Sirius could guess what he was trying to say (or was it what he hoped Remus would say?)

He pushed himself up from where he lay so that he would be sitting facing Remus. Sirius' heart was beating fast, and silently he prayed to anyone who would listen that he wasn't crazy, that he really wasn't misreading everything completely.

Without even waiting for Remus to finish what he was trying to say, he leaned in and pressed his lips up against his in a soft, open-mouthed kiss.

Not that Remus really was getting anywhere with what he was saying, but as soon as Sirius sat up and pressed his lips against his, any semblance of thought whatsoever went right out the window for him. It wasn't that he necessarily froze, or anything like that. It was more that his brain was taking an awful long time to come to the therms that yes, Sirius was kissing him, he wasn't just making this up, this was actually, really happening.

And he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. He'd never been kissed before. He'd never even really paid attention to kissing before. He knew that it was supposed to be nice, and that he wanted to do it, and he'd even fantasized about doing it more often than he would ever admit aloud, but. Now that it was actually happening...he really wished that he'd thought to look into it further beforehand.

Remus wasn't moving or reacting in any way, but he wasn't pushing him away, so...what did that mean? Either he didn't know how to respond or was too nice to shove him off, and Sirius was at the point where he honestly didn't know.

He pulled away, detaching himself from the kiss. Sirius sat back a little, looking at Remus, at his expression. Remus was kind of cute when he looked flustered.

"You need to give me something to go off of, here," Sirius said, propping himself up on his hand so he could lean back to look at his friend. "I can't tell if I'm misreading everything, or what's going on anymore."

Remus blushed harder, trying to formulate words, cursing the fact that Sirius was so confident with himself about all of this, when he'd only just figured it out, while meanwhile Remus himself had had almost a month to process, and he was still finding it difficult to come to terms with.

"I..." he stammered, shutting his mouth and clearing his throat to try and make his voice sound steadier than it was. "I... Of all the ways I thought you would react to this... I. I never thought... I never thought that you'd do that," he said, absolutely dumbfounded.

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